I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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