Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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