Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
