you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just pee around me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
