My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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