i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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