Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
