Heybabeimwearingurpanties
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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