I just saw a hot homeless man
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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