My boss' voice literally gives me gas
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
