It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
