Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
