he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
