I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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