omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
