my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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