Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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