How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
