doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
