Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
