So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
