I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
