OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
