There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
