I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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