birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
