I think my fart just growled at me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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