Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
