you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
not ubering you a puppy
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
