I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
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How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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