The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
