That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
