When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
