eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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