New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
