we're blogging at a bar
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
