how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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