dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize