There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
