He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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