I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
