If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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