Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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