So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
