How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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