he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
