tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
