hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
