i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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