I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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