I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
