I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
