Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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