Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
