Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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