Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
