How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
