just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
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i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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