So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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