Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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