just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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