Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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