My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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